Teens want adults off their virtual turf

[Refugee 7]

Thanks Nylle for the article!

CHICAGO - Scott Seigal was awakened one recent early morning by a cell phone text message. It was from his girlfriend's mother.

His friends' parents have posted greetings on his MySpace page for all the world to see. And his 72-year-old grandmother sends him online instant messages every day so they can better stay in touch while he's at college.

"It's nice that adults know some things," says Seigal, 18, a freshman at Binghamton University in New York. He especially likes IMing with his grandma because he's "not a huge talker on the phone."

Increasingly, however, he and other young people are feeling uncomfortable about their elders encroaching on what many young adults and teens consider their technological turf.

Long gone are the days when the average middle-age adult did well to simply work a computer. Now those same adults have Gmail, upload videos on YouTube and sport the latest high-tech gadgets.

Young people have responded, as they always have, by searching out the latest way to stay ahead in the race for technological know-how and cool. They use Twitter, which allows blogging from one's mobile phone or BlackBerry, or Hulu.com, a site where they can download videos and TV programs.

They customize their cell phones with various faceplates and ringtones. And, sometimes, they find ways to exclude adults -- using high-frequency ringtones that teens can hear but most adults can't, for instance.

'Creepy' and uncool

Nowhere are the technological turf wars more apparent than on social networking sites, such as MySpace and Facebook, which went from being student-oriented to allowing adults outside the college ranks to join.

Gary Rudman, a California-based youth market researcher, has heard the complaints. He regularly interviews young people who think it's "creepy" when an older person -- we're talking someone they know -- asks to join their social network as a "friend." It means, among other things, that they can view each others' profiles and what they and their friends post.

"It would be like a 40-year-old attending the prom or a frat party," Rudman says. "It just doesn't work."

It's a particular quandary for image-conscious teens, says Eric Kuhn, a junior at Hamilton College in upstate New York, who has blogged about the etiquette of social networking.

He accepted his mom's invitation to be Facebook friends and has, in turn, become online friends with other adults she knows. But so far, he says, his 16-year-old sister has declined to add their mom "because she thinks it is not cool."

Lakeshia Poole, a 24-year-old from Atlanta, says, "My Facebook self has become a watered down version of me." Worried about older adults snooping around, she's now more careful about what she posts and has also made her profile private, so only her online friends can see it.

"It's somewhat a Catch-22, because now I'm hidden from the people I would really like to connect with," she says.

Lauren Auster-Gussman, a freshman at Juniata College in Pennsylvania, says it's particularly awkward when one of her parents' friends asks to join her social network. She thinks Facebook should only be used by people younger than, say, 40.

"I mean, I'm in college," she says. "There are bound to be at least a few drunken pictures of me on Facebook, and I don't need my parents' friends seeing them."

There are ways around the problem.

It's possible on some sites, for instance, to limit what someone can see on your profile, though some users think it's a pain to have to deal with that.

"That is the beauty of Facebook and other online social networks. If you want to only interact with your peers, then you can adjust the settings to only allow that," says Katie Jones, a senior at Ohio Wesleyan University, who has studied ways prospective students use Facebook to contact students at colleges and universities they're interested in attending.

It's also possible to simply decline or ignore an adult's request to be an online friend. Or adults could back off and only use social networking to contact their own peers.

Hold on or log off?

It's not always so easy to relinquish that control, especially for parents of teens, says Kathryn Montgomery, the author of "Generation Digital: Politics, Commerce and Childhood in the Age of the Internet" and mother of a 14-year-old.

"As parents, we have to figure out where to draw the line between encouraging and allowing our teens to have autonomy, to experience their separate culture, and when we need to monitor their use of media," says Montgomery, a professor of communication at American University.

She says it's especially important to help young people understand that social networking is often more public than they think.

Sue Frownfelter, 46, a mom in Flint, Mich., thinks it's less of an issue for parents who discover technology with -- or even before -- their children. Among other things, she has a blog, uses Twitter and has a Chumby, a personal Internet device that displays anything from news and weather to photos and eBay auctions.

Her children, ages 9 and 11, begged her to allow them to have a MySpace page because she does. Instead, she suggested Imbee.com, a social networking site for kids that allows parental monitoring.

"I can't imagine my life without technology! It has truly become an extension of who I am and who my family will likely be," says Frownfelter, who works at a community college.

Still, in today's world, parents are finding that the urge to stake out technological turf is starting at a very young age.

Jennifer Abelson, a mom in New York, says her 2-year-old daughter asks every day if she can play on the " 'puter" on such kid-oriented sites as Noggin.com and Nickjr.com.

"She's constantly telling us 'I will do it!' and 'Go away!' if we try to interfere with her 'working,' " Abelson says.

"It's pretty amazing to see technology ingrained at such a young age. But I know she's learned so much from being able to use technology on her own."

[Echosoftom 3]

And, sometimes, they find ways to exclude adults -- using high-frequency ringtones that teens can hear but most adults can't, for instance.

This cracks me up. Like once you cross 40 you're some sort of alien being, lol.

I have to agree with the teens on this one. Some parents are just too wrapped up in kids space these days. If I were a teen or young adult today, I'd be uncomfortable. Why would an adult be asking to be friends on a teens myspace page? C'mon, get a life with your own friends. I keep saying, it seems like the more technology we get the less common sense people have.

[Refugee 7]

^ I don't. My daughters have myspace sites and I am not a friend on theirs nor are they a friend on mine.

They do their thing, I do mine. But, they are older. If...I had a youngen, it would be different. Sorry, but those social networking sites are full of pedophiles, so...I would want to keep an eye on my child. It's what parents do. When these young adults become ancient at 40, they will understand.

[emmie 2]

I totally don't understand the point of a MySpace thing at all. Christ, you can't talk to you friends in person or on the bloody phone or in IM's or emails? You have to put your entire life on the web for all to see? Really don't get this thing at all.

[Refugee 7]

Better people blog their personal thoughts on a myspace/facebook site than on a bbs.

But, I still understand the reluctance of being on one. I hated it at first and at times it still freaks me out, lol.

[emmie 2]

Get diaries, they still make them don't they? Oh yea, that's right, everything is so computerized now the kids don't know how to hold a pen.

[Refugee 7]

Neither do some adults, lol.

[emmie 2]

I wonder what everyone would do if suddenly all the computers in the whole world crashed at the same time and we were all offline for say...3 months? I bet alot of people would kill themselves.

[Katie 0]

My best friend and I both have her mother as a friend on myspace. She rarely look at our pages (due to technical inability ) and she is hardly online. She mainly uses it to give the virtual once-over of whoever her son is dating at the moment. LOL! Of course, I have nothing to hide :023:, but I would imagine it would make some kids think twice about posting certain pictures, posts, etc. that have no business being there in the first place.

[Mudcrutch 285]

well you could just NOT USE your real name & location and/or NOT TELL people about it if you dont want them on there.

[nurktwin 2,143]

what they failed to mention is that when these kids start a site they are opening themselves to the world and they don't have the whiskers to understand that and need people over 40 to monitor them. i understand that kids need a little space but when i was a kid "my space" was to listen to my parents and do what they told me or i'd get my ass kicked!. try that today with your kids and you'll be doing 10-20 years in no time at all. but call your friends or im them like emmie said, and god only knows they all have cell phones. as far as the 40 year old factor, why not? they already took away 90% of our rights, come to my house and take my god damn computer too. how can a country be so great and so bad a the same time?

[agirl 0]

They don't have to worry about me. I just recently started text messaging and that's just because I had to.

[kira 0]

I think people of all ages can be friends if there is interest on both sides. Frankly, I don't have many young friends. I was at a party last weekend that was primarily an under 30 group (friends of a friend's son). I tried to carry on a conversation and it was HARD. There is a freakin' art to conversation and they didn't have any paint or canvas. Grunts don't count, and conversations die if you just answer the question in monosylable response. I don't know if their writing would be more interesting. At least the person writing might have more time to think about the subject. When I taught English and had to read student jounal writing, 98% of it was pathetic dribble. So has their writing become more urbane and funny with pictures and friends? My guess is, on the whole, NO!

[Echosoftom 3]

I totally don't understand the point of a MySpace thing at all. Christ, you can't talk to you friends in person or on the bloody phone or in IM's or emails? You have to put your entire life on the web for all to see? Really don't get this thing at all.

Emmie, I absolutely agree! I keep saying, I don't get the whole myspace thing. It seems to me all it is is people accumulating "friends" on their site. I'm all friend out. Cell phone, IM's, emails and let's not forget text messaging. I'm sorry, that's just a little too much "in-touch" for me. Enough already!

[Refugee 7]

^ Oh poo on you. Come on...join the "dark side" LOL! You know you want to.

[nurktwin 2,143]

kira, i can see what you mean, but i can also disagee on some points. writing here or anywhere is hard, cuz all you see is text and that doesn't mean shit, because you'll never know the feeling of the person that wrote it or even sent you an email. feelings are gone on the net and that causes alot of arguments that are over nothing. ppl just read text and may see it the wrong way. everyone has a mind, whether is sane or not, but everyone has to keep their mind open and more importantly know where they are and what they are doing.

[surfnburn 5]

I used to be a friend of my friend's daughter (a teen), but she deleted me and her grandmother after she had a little attention getting drama online...lol I guess the grandmother or someone complained to her mom...lol.

[wild1forever 152]

I totally don't understand the point of a MySpace thing at all. Christ, you can't talk to you friends in person or on the bloody phone or in IM's or emails? You have to put your entire life on the web for all to see? Really don't get this thing at all.

I'm with Emmie and Sharon. It's astonishing to me that my daughter's contemporaries don't even have to gossip about each other; everyone spills their lives onto their Myspace page for all to see.

[emmie 2]

well you could just NOT USE your real name & location and/or NOT TELL people about it if you dont want them on there.

HAHAHA If you do that why bother at all? LOL

[surfnburn 5]

Well, there are privacy settings. I can't see my friend's daughter's communications now. You can limit access to your friends.

I worry about the pervs. I think that's why my friend's daughter deleted me...lol I sent her mom a lot of articles about pedophiles at myspace, etc. Her mom gave her a hard time about it....lol

I suppose there are worse things than yakking it up in public. I grew up at a time when people would dance naked at concerts and streak...lol I think most stuff you do when you're a teen is forgotten. I guess they're working out their hormonal stuff. Makes me glad I'm not a teen.

[Pettyjunkie 0]

If my parents were to join the Farm, I would be hesitant to post, it's understandable. On myspace, I don't think my parents have to worry about talking to people I don't know because I only befriend people who I know (with the exception of Linda and Nancy). And myspace is nice to talk to family members or friends that are far away and don't like to talk on the phone.

[Starfish 0]

I don't think people who avoid myspace realize how easy it is to keep your page private. You don't HAVE to open it up for every pervert in the world to see.

[SG 37]

Okay, I KNOW I am not the only mama here who got on Facebook and MySpace and, what was the other one, oh I remember Xanga just to keep an eye on what the kid was doing! I admit it. I wanted to be sure they weren't telling too much on themselves. Thankfully they weren't, and I've actually enjoyed being on Facebook and MySpace - when I can use the fast Internet connection at dad's. At home, I can't even log onto Facebook, our dialup is so slow.

I used to tell the kids I could hear thru walls and see around corners. :048:

Seriously, you gotta do what you gotta do to protect your young 'uns.

[Nylle 0]

I just thought it was an interesting article. I had a myspace page for a while (although I was not very good at maintaining it as some can attest to LOL) but I deleted my account. I just felt weird being there - out of place, maybe - and keeping up with it was just more time spent on the computer - which I spend enough time on as it is. I didn't like the idea that people could find me there - which they can do even if your page is private - they just can't view your page. I suppose a fake name would take care of that, but then, what's the point? I think its absolutely fine to have a page there if you have fun with it - regardless of age - it was just a personal decision.

Oh - and you said it Ames - glad I'm not a teen!