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Dynabeat Tim

how do you ( and yours ) do your finances ? need advice help

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Hi,

I'm trying to get some advice from my peers (i.e. married or in a relationship ) How do you do your household expenses ? In mine I pay all the bills...unfortunately I don't make enough to do so, so I am broke every month, and in the hole in most. My partner refuses to work more than 20 hrs a wk (even though she could, and did before we were married ). One of the things that attracted me, was that she was such a hard worker. Now she merely complains that we have no money. She said her mom never worked, why should she ? My mom always worked, and I was raised in a home where both parents worked. I thought we both should work and split the bills, so for example if ours bills totaled a $1,000 each person would be responsible to come up with their $500. I figure if we were single we would have to pay at least half of that to live. What do other couples do ? I've asked for adivice here before and was always given good advice. I know in a situation like this, there is no correct answer, but I would love to know how other couples do this. If you want to pvt message me instead of putting it on this thread that would be fine. Thanks for your opinions.

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I don't think it's the approach that is important, but that you agree on an approach and stick to it. If you can't plan for for future together, you might not have one.

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Since I'm divorced, I'd never try to give anyone else advice but it does seem like you guys need to talk this out. There are lots of factors in my opiinion. Are there children to take care of? That's a job all by itself.

I'm sorry you're going through a rough time and I hope you can work it out. I'm all for keeping the family together if at all possible.

Good luck Tim!!!

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I don't think it's the approach that is important, but that you agree on an approach and stick to it. If you can't plan for for future together, you might not have one.

That's great advice! ^

___________________________________

When it comes to money, I hate hand outs and I work for what I get.

My co-worker hands his paycheck to his girlfriend when he gets home.

I couldn't do that as a girlfriend or wife... that just bothers me.

I have to be responsible for some income.

If I were you, I would start cutting expenses where you can IE cable, name brand foods, things like that, and find a system that works for you two. Find some kind of common ground 50/50 sort of deal.

Just try to explain that the economy is probably a lot worse than it was when her mother didn't have to work (assuming that her mother was too young or not alive to work in the 30s with the depression).

I pay bills (with his money) online for my dad, and do the payroll/taxes at his business.

He pays me to work in his business and when we have to shell out money for something, like new tires, we usually go half on things. We only heat about a 1/3 of the house as well. There are lots of steps you can take to help save money everywhere.

This is a good article: http://www.dumblittleman.com/2008/01/30-easy-ways-to-save-money-and-no-you.html

http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2008/02/06/little-steps-100-great-tips-for-saving-money-for-those-just-getting-started/

Ten points please!

... Oops... LOL that's Yahoo Answers, not the Farm! :003:

Good luck. Times are rough all over. :(

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We keep things proportionate. He makes almost twice as much as I do, therefore he pays most of the bills. We have separate accounts as well as a joint account (we hardly use). I pay my credit card bills and the wireless bill (considering I use that more than he and his mother does, lol). I know it's a difficult subject, but you should talk it out.

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I think Lizzie and Barb both make good points.

One: come up with a plan and agree on it.

Two: Figure out you monthly expenses and income. Buy accounting software and categorize your purchases, so you have it right there, all figured out: what is being spent, how it's being spent, and who is spending it. Don't make abitrary agreements based on assumptions, know how you spend your money.

If you can't do either of these and follow through on it, the relationship won't last. However, the most important thing in a relationship isn't who does what, but how well you communicate.

I can only speculate on who is doing what outside your respective jobs, because it wasn't mentioned in your post. I know people who think they are doing their part, but aren't because they are blissfully unaware of what the other person does when they aren't around.

Bear in mind sweat equity. Agree to what chores are expected of each of you. Expecting one partner to share the expenses 50/50, do housework, and take care of pets and children = more than a full time job. If you work full time and she works just half that, she's still working 2 jobs, if she's expected to do all the housework, that is fulltime work.

We no longer live in an economy where one person can work and the other stay home: wages have stagnated the last 30 years, expenses have tripled.

Take a look at the whole picture, not just the Dollars & cents.

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I have been married twice. The first time --we had this same issue (except he was the one working 20 hrs most of the time and thought his money should be spent on him).

My second marriage (15 years so far) - we put our money into the same account. We sit at the table together and pay bills. We review the checking statement, savings etc together. We both have a credit card, an ATM card, a debit card and can access money as needed. Fortunately, we are both conservative spenders and know how to delay purchases until we can afford them. We have no money fights, no issues and have had more financial success than ever before when we were married to other people who did not share the same values concerning money.

Money is one of the major reasons people split up. You have to pull together and have the same financial plan for it to work. It is like two horses pulling a wagon...if they pull together, it is easier on both. If they both try to pull away or dig in heels and get dragged along...it makes it difficult for both.

Did she marry you to be taken care of, or for love? You need to find out for sure. If my current husband and I had found each other sooner, there is no telling how well off we would be now. We both wasted a lot of years trying to pull the wagon alone.

I do not know your situation, nor can I advise you on what to do. All I am doing is sharing my experiences and what has worked for me. :)

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