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nurktwin

Laugh For Today

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3/18/11

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cellular phone

on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and

begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Hi Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes."

WOMAN: "I'm at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat.

It's only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new

models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$90,000."

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Janie

and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market.

They're asking $980,000 for it."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000.

They'll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty thousand

if it's what you really want."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at

him in astonishment, mouths wide open.

He turns and asks, "Anyone know whose phone this is?"

Edited by nurktwin

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THIS IS US!!!!

Senior citizens are constantly being criticized for every conceivable deficiency of the modern world, real or imaginary. We know we take responsibility for all we have done and do not blame others.

HOWEVER, upon reflection, we would like to point out that it was NOT the senior citizens who took:

The melody out of music,

The pride out of appearance,

The courtesy out of driving,

The romance out of love,

The commitment out of marriage,

The responsibility out of parenthood,

The togetherness out of the family,

The learning out of education,

The service out of patriotism,

The Golden Rule from rulers,

The nativity scene out of cities,

The civility out of behavior,

The refinement out of language,

The dedication out of employment,

The prudence out of spending,

The ambition out of achievement or

God out of government and school.

And we certainly are NOT the ones who eliminated patience and tolerance from personal relationships and interactions with others!!

And, we do understand the meaning of patriotism, and remember those who have fought and died for our country.

Just look at the Seniors with tears in their eyes and pride in their hearts as they stand at attention with their hand over their hearts!

YES, I'M A SENIOR CITIZEN!

I'm the life of the party...... even if it lasts until 8 p.m.

I'm very good at opening childproof caps.... with a hammer.

I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.

I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a thing you're saying.

I'm sure everything I can't find is in a safe secure place, somewhere.

I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just my left leg.

I'm beginning to realize that aging is not for wimps.

Yes, I'm a SENIOR CITIZEN and I think I am having the time of my life!

Now if I could only remember who sent this to me, I wouldn't send it back to them, but I would send it to many more too!

Spread the laughter

Share the cheer

Let's be happy

While we're here.

Go Green-----Recycle CONGRESS!!

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THE SPOUSE FROM "HELL"

A police officer pulls over a speeding car.

The officer says,' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, Ma'am.'

The driver says, 'Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.'

Not looking up from his laptop the husband says: 'Now don't be silly, dear -- you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at her husband and snaps, 'Could you please keep your mouth shut for once!!?'

The husband smirks and says, 'Well dear you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher.'

As the officer makes out a second ticket for the illegal radar detector, the woman glowers at her husband and says through clenched teeth, 'Darling, why can't you keep your big mouth shut?'

The officer frowns and says, 'And I noticed that you're not wearing your seat belt, Ma'am. That's an automatic $75 fine.'

The driver says, 'Yes, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my purse.'

The husband says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.'

And as the police officer is writing out a third ticket, the driver turns to her husband and yells, 'WHY CAN'T YOU EVER JUST FOR ONCE, KEEP THAT BIG MOUTH OF YOURS CLOSED AND SHUT UP??'

The officer looks over at the man and asks, 'Does your wife always talk to you this way, Sir?'

'Only when she's drinking, officer, only when she's drinking.'

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3/31/11 Laurel and Hardy

Get a coffee, a doughnut, breakfast, a cig, hell get a shot and beer if you like and relax. this is the 27 minute uncut, no commercial of their movie "the music box".

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=94nxnNdJzQI]YouTube - THE MUSIC BOX (1932) COMPLETE WITHOUT INTERRUPTION ~ Laurel and Hardy short film classic[/ame]

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