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Mudcrutch

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Posts posted by Mudcrutch

  1. Posted · Report reply

    doctor stories:

    1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs -and I was in the wrong one.

    Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald

    2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.

    Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes

    3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."

    Submitted by! Dr. Susan Steinberg

    4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one? " I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six ours and now I'm running out of places to put It!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

    Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair

    5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion She answered..."Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."

    Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson

    6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

    Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf

    7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."

    Submitted by RN no name

    8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?"

    She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, 'I wish I was an Oscar MeyerWiener'!".

    Dr. wouldn't submit his name

  4. Posted · Report reply

    While the fashion flock shopped at the 69th Regiment Armory's Seventh on Sale spectacular on Thursday night, the funniest faces of television comedy gathered 52 blocks uptown at the American Museum of Natural History's annual fundraising gala. Filtering through the Hall of Biodiversity and into the Hall of Ocean Life for a 500-person sit-down dinner were late night's Conan O'Brien and a sizable Saturday Night Live contingent: Seth Meyers, Horatio Sanz, Andy Samberg, and Amy Poehler, the last of whom spent most of the cocktail hour draped on 30 Rock's Alec Baldwin. "No funny business," she assured passersby, however. "It's just friendly here." During dinner, she took her act to the stage, where she performed alongside her Weekend Update co-host Meyers. Afterward, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers played a set for an appreciative crowd that included Tom Brokaw, Brian Williams, Harvey Weinstein, and Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg.

    01m.jpg

  19. Posted · Report reply

    Since Tom is on Time Warner I thought this was good for a chuckle. Via Digg:

    Warner Music Group--a company that originally took Apple and its iTunes service to task for not allowing it to sell music at a premium--has changed its entire outlook on the music downloading business and has praised Apple for knowing what is best for everyone involved.

    "You need to look no further than Apple's iPhone to see how fast brilliantly written software presented on a beautifully designed device with a spectacular user interface will throw all the accepted notions about pricing, billing platforms and brand loyalty right out the window. And let me remind you, the genesis of the iPhone is the iPod and iTunes--a music device and music service that consumers love," Warner Music Group's CEO Edgar Bronfman gushed, according to a blog post by Simon Aughton on MacUser.

    Am I the only one that enjoyed a hearty laugh after reading this clown wax poetic on how wonderful Apple is? If you look closely at what he said, you can almost see him kneeling at Steve Jobs' altar begging for forgiveness. Now that is what I call comedy.

    But why has Warner Music seen the light all of a sudden? After months of claiming that his company knew what was best for consumers, Bronfman finally found out the hard way that the music industry knows nothing about consumers.

    Interestingly enough, a quick glance at the quarterly financial statements of Warner Music Group points out one alarming statistic: the company has been losing money over the past few quarters.

    According to reports filed with the SEC, Warner Music Group witnessed a net loss of $27 million during the quarter ending March 31, and $17 million during the quarter ending June 30. Compare that with a profit over the previous two quarters and it looks like Warner is having some trouble.

    Is this the reason why Bronfman decided to make Jobs' head just a little bigger? Has he finally realized that Warner Music Group needs iTunes more than iTunes needs Warner Music Group?

    You better believe it.

    The future of the music industry has nothing to do with CDs and everything to do with downloading. Hasn't the music industry learned anything over the past decade as its stranglehold on our buying preferences slowly released? Sadly, the answer is no.

    As music downloading (and dare I say illegal downloading) continues to rise, these music companies bury their heads in the sand and blow policy out the other end. Instead of understanding customers and realizing that what we want is readily available music without DRM, Warner and its friends have decided to bully us in the hopes we'll stop. We won't.

    Believe it or not, most people are honest and they don't mind paying for music. After all, I think most people realize artists create music because it's their job and they deserve to get paid for it.

    Simply put, all we want is to be trusted. Get rid of the DRM and for goodness sake, get rid of that disgusting Recording Industry Association of America, and start trusting that consumers are willing to do what's right if you don't force them into a corner and make them do what's wrong. Will there still be piracy? Sure. But believe it or not, a happy consumer won't mind paying $5 to $10 for an album if you let them.

    Warner, I appreciate your attempt to try to make amends, but actions speak louder than words. Call me when you strip DRM from songs, denounce the RIAA and lose the greed.

  24. Posted · Report reply

    Wow, there must be more to the story here. Danny was mentioned in the Playback book. Why not in the movie? We will probably never know the real reason. It's probably the all mighty $ again.

    Well MCA did the box set after Tom signed with Time Warner. Yes?

    Maybe he didn't have much to do with the Playback book? I don't recall off the top of my head anything regarding Tom's or the bands involvement with the box set book.

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